Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
