Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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