DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
