It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
