You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
