Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
