a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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