Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
