Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
