hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
