TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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