I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
