WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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