i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize