I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
