Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
