didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
