Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
