dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I need moral support for this bender
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
