I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
