FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
