dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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