Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
