ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
