Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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