I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
