her vagine was all disorganized.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
