sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
