my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's no shave November. This is our time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
