Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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