I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
