One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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