im six kinds of drunk right now
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
