I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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