Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
