i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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