it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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