I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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