I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
