what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
