I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
