I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
