I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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