what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
