WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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