he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
