very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
