Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
