woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
