In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize