i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
