After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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