But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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