Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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