Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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