I just pynch a tree in the face
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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