I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I will pee on everything he values.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
