that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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