evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
