went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
