i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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