I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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