Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
