Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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