i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
