dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
