I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
