I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
