$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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