not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
