My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am one with the molecules
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
