Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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