i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
