Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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