at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize