I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
