So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
