No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
