I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
